No, not heights.
Nor the ocean, or the dark
Or closed up spaces.
I’m too scared to ask the right questions,
The answers to which I don’t want.
I’m too scared to open up to anyone,
Or be opened up to.
I’m too scared of giving the right answers
Because they’ll nudge the door leading away from my comfort wide open.
I’m too scared of doing the right thing
Because I’m not brave enough to accept the change.
I’m too scared to face the reality
Because I’m too good at ignoring it.
I’m too scared of hoping my someday
Would be better than my today.
I’m too scared of becoming the very person
I never want to be someday.
I’m too scared of letting others down
And I’m more scared of letting myself down.
I’m too scared of looking at myself in the mirror
And wondering if something in me will snap and remain damaged forever.
I’m too scared of hating the ones I love
And hating myself for feeling that.
I’m too scared of feeling too much
And not feeling enough.
But I don’t want to be
Too scared to love anyone,
Knowing they’ll go away;
No, I don’t want to be
Too scared to feel freely,
Knowing it’ll come back to haunt me.
But I’m too scared to admit that
The storm outside may be loud and raging
But the one inside is more draining.
So, someday, if you look at me and see a shell with no emotions
Trust me, it’s not because I don’t have any;
It’s because, I promise you,
I have way too many.