Too Scared

No, not heights.

Nor the ocean, or the dark

Or closed up spaces.

I’m too scared to ask the right questions,

The answers to which I don’t want.

I’m too scared to open up to anyone,

Or be opened up to.

I’m too scared of giving the right answers

Because they’ll nudge the door leading away from my comfort wide open.

I’m too scared of doing the right thing

Because I’m not brave enough to accept the change.

I’m too scared to face the reality

Because I’m too good at ignoring it.

I’m too scared of hoping my someday

Would be better than my today.

I’m too scared of becoming the very person

I never want to be someday.

I’m too scared of letting others down

And I’m more scared of letting myself down.

I’m too scared of looking at myself in the mirror 

And wondering if something in me will snap and remain damaged forever.

I’m too scared of hating the ones I love

And hating myself for feeling that.

I’m too scared of feeling too much

And not feeling enough.

But I don’t want to be

Too scared to love anyone,

Knowing they’ll go away;

No, I don’t want to be

Too scared to feel freely,

Knowing it’ll come back to haunt me.

But I’m too scared to admit that

The storm outside may be loud and raging

But the one inside is more draining.

So, someday, if you look at me and see a shell with no emotions

Trust me, it’s not because I don’t have any;

It’s because, I promise you,

I have way too many.

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3 thoughts on “Too Scared”

  1. OKAY, THIS IS SO BLOODY BEAUTIFUL! It’s magnificent and painful and honest and relatable all at the same time. Some lines like this one -“Iā€™m too scared of looking at myself in the mirror And wondering if something in me will snap and remain damaged forever.”- hits right in the chest. This might be my favorite of all your works(although Canvas comes close but this..this is entirely something else).

    Like

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