How To NOT Procrastinate

What’s that? You’re in the process of procrastinating your one shot at existence? Well, you’ve come to the right place because I am the pinnacle of productivity. Because CLEARLY I’ve got it ALL FIGURED OUT. Really, I’ve sorted my life out and I know just what I’m doing. So, obviously, I’m going to have the best tips for y’all to stop procrastinating and get on to that work of yours. OBVIOUSLY.

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One:

“Five more minutes” always works. You want to start the work you’ve been putting off forever? You say, “Just five more minutes.” That is a FULL PROOF technique, people. There is no way in Hell that you won’t start your work five minutes later. No way that you won’t delay it for five more minutes.  Nu-uh, that won’t happen. NOT AT ALL.

Two:

If it’s not the due date, is it even the do date? Let’s be honest here. Why start studying or tacking the work you’ve been putting off for half a century until and unless you’ve got less than 24 hours to prepare for it and your anxiety and panic are nearly choking you to death with the giant clock looming over your shoulder ominously as you’re stocking your kitchen and your body with choke-loads of coffee? Doesn’t it make complete sense? WE’VE GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT.

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Three:

“If I don’t do This Work today, I’ll just put in extra hours tomorrow to do it” IS THE RIGHT WAY TO GO. This cannot go wrong in any way. True story: I spent hours making the perfect schedule for studying and preparing for school and I didn’t finish the work quota for one day but then I TOTALLY put in the extra hours the next day to catch up and IT ACTUALLY WORKED. BECAUSE I AM A TIME LORD. WHICH ISN’T UNREALISTIC AT ALL. #CoolStoryBro

Four:

“I’ll just watch this one video on How To Stop Procrastinating and then get right back to work.” Obviously, you won’t be found seven hours later in your cave (room), huddled in blankets, watching a video about Goats Singing To Beoynce or something, silently wishing for death. Pfft. Of course not. As if that has ever happened to me.

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Five:

“I mean, I can either spend the whole day doing this or just finish this in two hours at 1 AM fueled by my coffee induced anxiety.🙂

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(im running low on sarcasm so plz accept the gifs).
(the incorrect english is ironic plz dont hate me i is knowing english).

You know what we need now? Oh, that’s right. A conclusion.

CONCLUSION: This post is in no way informative or helpful to the viewer due to the ironic shitpost humor that the blogger unfortunately possesses. Hence, it is advised that the viewer kindly ignores all the tips mentioned above if they wish to be productive in any sense of that word. The aforementioned blogger is now regretting her life decisions as she continues to scroll her life away. 🙂

Have a lovely day.



 

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