Book Playlist: I’m Fine | The Foxhole Court

Unlike my other book playlists, instead of dedicating a mix to an entire book, this one is actually just for my son, Neil Josten (he deservED BETTER @ Nora Sakavic). Ahem. Anyway.

At this point, y’all have my explicit permission to roll your eyes and pray for/curse me for mentioning The Foxhole Court yet again but you know what? I’m unapologetic and I have officially given up on myself so DEAL WITH IT because I’m not going to shut up about these books anytime soon.

pls don’t leave.

Honestly, though, I really did think that I was over my TFC Hangover™… and now that my exams are going to begin in less than 5 days*, instead of studying, I keep rereading parts of the entire trilogy and someone needs to smack me right now and tell me to get my shit together (yes, mom, I said it).

*I am simultaneously panicking and not giving a shit and regret will be etched into the fabric of my very being a day before the exam but haha. everything is. fine. *grits teeth*

But something productive did come out of my terrible decisions and that’s this new mix! Yes! I clearly don’t know the meaning of ‘productive’!

Also, isn’t I’m Fine the perfect name for a Neil Josten playlist? (Sobs quietly). The kid could be in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, fighting tooth and nail and getting torn apart nerve by nerve** and still manage to say, “I’m fine.”

Basically, a summary of All For The Games trilogy:

Neil, taking his last breath: I’m fine.

The Foxes: you stupid garbage child eat some fucking ice cream and sit still while each of us hugs you one by one.

** I sincerely don’t know why zombies would do that but go with it.

I’m Fine|A Neil Josten Mix

 Between you and me, Neil, I don’t think you’ve ever been fine.”


fix me // ten years

family traditions // senses fail

i bet my life // imagine dragons

nicotine // panic! at the disco

the beach // the neighbourhood

moment // nate ruess

fall away // twenty one pilots

whatever it takes // imagine dragons

where you belong // kari kimmel

P.S. I’m positive Neil would actually dedicate and sing I Bet My Life to Exy because a) that’s hilarious and b). it is also very accurate once you know the lyrics and c). someone needs to help me, I’m obsessed.


6 thoughts on “Book Playlist: I’m Fine | The Foxhole Court”

  1. “I am simultaneously panicking and not giving a shit” :::::: holy shit well i feel seen and understood this morninggggggg ❤ ❤

    Also I love your summary of All of the Game, Nimika you genius. He is always on the verge of death but still loses his composure when anyone suggests he take a break from one 30-minute Exy practice????? AND ANDREW HAS TO CONVINCE HIM TO RELAX, AS ONLY HE CAN c: c: c: c: (by pinching neil’s already hurt wrists, but shhhhh)

    I was up so late last night listening to this godsend playlist and I fell asleep completely unable to form a coherent thought because OUR POOR ANGEL NEIL. THESE SONGS ARE HIS LIFE?????? THEY FIT HIM SO WELL AND I’M UPSET.

    1) “Fix me” is literally Neil’s inner monologue “im fine i’m fine”

    2) & NIMS HOW DARE YOU WITH “FAMILY TRADITIONS”, GO TO THE CORNER RIGHT NOWW::: “I tear myself to shreds to prove that I'm someone that I could never be. Now, these unsightly marks define me.”
    (((((((my eyes are brimming with tears because of neil’s frightened blue eyes, afraid to touch the cellphone????? “”””nicky, i….i can’t))))))

    3) &&& “the beach reminds me of neil & his mommmmmmm, I nearly forgot how neil redefined how tragic a tragic backstory can be, I can’t stop thinking about him stumbling on that road after he had to do what he did w his mom??? ON THAT SAD BEACH?????

    4) “I disguise And I will lie…And I die as I wait as I wait on my crime And I'll try to delay what you make of my life But I don't want your way I want mine I'm dying and trying But believe me I'm fine But I'm lying I'm so very far from fine.”
    *gives you a best friend forever bracelet because you put so much love for neil into constructing this playlist and I love you*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mal, I am not kidding, this is one my FAVORITE comments I’ve ever, ever received. I’m taking a screenshot of this and will probably frame it, too.

      OMG, YES. Andrew being the only one stopping Neil from making stupid decisions, like that’s my kink right there. :’)
      I mean, when they were in the car after the questioning in TKM and Neil is fidgeting with his bandages and Andrew straight up pops the back of his head? When Neil is arguing with Coach that he can deal with his injuries and play and Andrew pinches his wrist to make him shut up? All of those scenes where Andrew just randomly touches Neil’s pulse or throat like THAT IDIOT JUST NEEDS REASONS TO KEEP TOUCHING NEIL.

      The fact that you were up late listening to these songs makes me so. emotional. Like, here is a person who appreciates and loves these characters as much as I do and I might literally kidnap you to scream about them together *like adults*.

      “I’m fine in the fire” is honestly literally Neil’s inner monologue, you couldn’t have said it better.

      FAMILY TRADITIONS BROKE ME, MAL. The whole part where he sings about him being the splitting image of his father?? Omg. Neil. My baby.
      AND HOW DARE YOU REMIND ME OF THE CELLPHONE SCENE. Holy shit. But I’m so grateful to that scene because it gave us the iconic scene in the locker room afterwards where Andrew made Neil sit down and tell him that his parents are dead and he’s not okay but he’s still alive and Andrew is still the guy who promised to protect him and I think I might cry. Also, “Honestly doesn’t suit you.” :’)

      Also,,, did you notice the way Nate Ruess sings, “I’m fine” in Moment? Because he sings it in such a beautiful, soft way but it sounds like he’s honestly so bone tired when he says, “I’m fine, I just need a moment to cry. I’m fine, I just need a moment to pack my bag and say goodbye” LIKE THAT’S NEIL JOSTEN RIGHT THERE, BYE.

      *treasures your friendship bracelet forever and makes you another fox themed one because I love you more* 💛💛

      Liked by 1 person

      1. oh my god, during my reread i was sitting there thinking, excuse me Andrew keeps making excuses to gently touch Neil, meanwhile Neil is *never* physically threatened by him. & ANDREW EVEN THREATENS KEVIN WITH KNIVES? but Neil, that v pretty young lad, is placed above both kevin + aaron in the Andrew Hierarchy of Needs aka The People Andrew Treats Nicely c:

        & THAT’S CERTAINLY NEIL’S TIRED VOICE, THAT INNOCENT SASSY ANGEL. he’s just so exhausted and he’s like “i just never understood why he liked knives?” and andrew responds “well he’s not going to like knives when he gets stabbed w them” AND IT WAS A DIRECT DECLARATION OF LOVE. he was so affected when he saw Neil’s battered face? he even lifted his hand to gently touch neil’s wounds but pulled his hand away at the last second, clearly overwhelmed

        i just love you so much, i’m kidnapping u bc it’s the only reasonable thing to do & forcing you to be my best friend

        Liked by 1 person

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