let me begin by articulating my emotions in a meme
the world could be ending and i would still write a post on growing one year older. i did it when i was 16, 17, 18 and now i’m doing it as a 19 y/o. soon to be 20. like, literally, i’m turning 20 tomorrow.
this is what happens when you’re a nerd who physically needs to document her life for herself because it’s the only substantial evidence against time not flying by but holding its weight in memories and opinions and thoughts and pictures and videos.
i truly hate it here 😍
to put it demurely, 2020 was the soul sucking void that slowly drained me of any and all positivity i had left so by december i was feelin just a lil bit existentially insane 💖💖
it started off great, tbh. i was living in the dorms, going out on weekends (mostly just staying in if we’re being honest), busy with academics and club activities and traveling to and from home. it was just the second semester of freshman year.
then march happened. i remember my friends and i were so thrilled about getting FiFteEn days off college because surely it’s not going to be more than that. we packed up our bags the same night.
i literally just took 40% of my dorm stuff and survived on like 3 pairs of pajama outfits for the rest of the year. it’s just been that kind of a year.
the worst part is, lockdown honestly didn’t even bother me for the longest time. it was a change in the regular schedule but it REALLY isn’t a bother for me to stay at home all the time and not meet people. <that's literally="" ideal="" nimika="" lifestyle.=""
what follows is everything getting progressively worse in every way possible in the coming months and me realizing i’m missing out on my college life and time and growing up and not achieving anything 🙂
you know. as one does.
it got to that stage of lockdown where literally every day was like the last. i’d wake up, attend classes, procrastinate on assignments, avoid blogging, read books to distract myself from thinking. repeat.
at one point, i would literally look forward to my turn at doing the dishes because i could just listen to podcasts and not feel guilty about wasting time??
it got better towards the end. i met a few friends, grew out my hair, started working out and felt better about the overall situation.
now, i’m just filled with so much pent up energy to spend the new year doing as much as i can. i want to get internships and write more and blog more and watch more movies and spend more time with friends.
i’m going to get my driver’s license and a new camera and i’m going to probably also get a tattoo at some point and go back to living in the dorm and get out more. i want to plan out my future and be excited for it because it’s so much better than being scared.
anyways let’s get to the part where we talk about how taylor swift saved this year
i don’t think i’ve listened to any other artist for more than an hour since july when she released folklore. even though i feel extremely guilty saying this, i might even like evermore a LITTLE bit more than folklore. it’s been intense.
i also did this ->
the way my selection of books just got filtered to only romance the past couple of months has been very telling of my fragile emotional stability 💖💖
in conclusion, to summarise being 19 in 2020: